Suicide Survivor

I’ve spent so many years denying that this story does not define me - but I can’t think of any other event in my life that defines me more than this. My Father committed suicide when I was 18 years old and a senior in high school. My family and I were completely blindsided, we had no idea he struggled with mental illness. My Dad was always to me an extremely generous & loving father with a very successful business and a community of friends & admirers. We had no idea the struggle he was fighting inside his brain.

8 years later, the pain of my father’s passing has not faded but I’m finally ready to talk about it. I’ve carried the pain with me every day but only now am I finally ready to sit with it and let it break me in front of people outside of my immediate family. My grief journey has flowed through shock, numbness, anger, denial, crushing sadness, and every emotion in between. I spent years trying to shield myself from the pain by placing it in a box that I rarely allowed myself to open. I tried to distance myself from this traumatic part of my life, instead of embracing and acknowledging the more vulnerable, empathetic, & true version of myself I’d become because of it. For me, the healing process is incredibly painful and overwhelmingly heavy. But I’m trying to work through the grief and most importantly, I’m sharing I’m story.

I share my story because I know I am not alone. I know there are people like me carrying similar weight as I am. I want to bring my story to you all so you can help me carry it, and so I can help you carry your story. We are meant to help each other carry the hard things in our lives.

So for everyone who has lost a loved one to suicide or experienced death at a young age - I see your pain. I feel your pain too. And we can handle it together.